Stuck in between nowhere | hazelnuteyes's Blog

I am sad. I'm masking the sadness with "Christmas Joy" so that I can be happy during the festivities later today and then deal with my problems later.

I thought I'd write them down while they are raw. So here we go:

Since I'm in a Long Distance Relationship, functioning without my other and better half is very difficult for me. I'm currently home for Christmas and I've seen him quite a bit, but thinking about going back is tormenting me. I push it away to live in the moment, but it creeps into my thoughts and brings me sadness.

So I know that I am going to have to be dealing with this for another year and a half and it hurts. I can't talk about it with the Love of My Life though, because it makes him angry that he can't be near me next year. So that's out of the question.

I can't talk about it with my parents, because we very recently had a whole talk about how they don't want me to just follow him around all "in love" and not have a career of my own. So if I try to talk to them about how Lovesick I am and lonely I am away from him, they'll probably just scorn me. I just can't tell them. I don't want to verbally admit how much I deeply love and care for him to them. I don't want to hear their disappointment.

So this leaves whom? Sigh.

This is my current dilemma.